there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
