holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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