Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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