My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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