I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I think my moral compass just broke
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