and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
