Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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