I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
