This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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