im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
