It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Randomize
