so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
