Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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