if i died would you start the facebook group?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
