all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
