When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
What drink are we having for lunch?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
