idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
