Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
