Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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