i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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