Whoa Z and x make the same sound
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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