i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
