So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
It's like God shit irony all over that family
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
