My Higher Power is John Stamos
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
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