She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
