weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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