Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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