so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
