Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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