Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
