The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
