I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
