i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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