I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
