winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
