If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
