Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
no, he came in my armpit
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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