Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
