I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize