That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
