Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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