can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
