i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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