i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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