The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
