ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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