the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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