U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
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