well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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