i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
