Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
