it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
