I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I feel like a drive thru vagina
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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