I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
