There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
