There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
