a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize