I wish my penis had an off switch
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i already hear my dad disowning me
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
