I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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