R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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