No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
