Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Randomize
