Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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