I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
