You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
smell my finger.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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