i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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