We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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