Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
